Disowned

Had I Known I would have loved you then.
Had I known, I would have asked less questions...
Followed my heart a little more.
Had I known one day you'd be gone,
and I couldn't show you anymore.
I'd have lived each moment as if it were the last.
Remember every word... not let time go by so fast.
But I was wrapped in my own image, afraid to let it show,
But now I wish I loved you.
Why couldn't I know that you would leave me,
and I'd be caught in the past.
In the moments I could have changed, the times that were your last.
I would have lived a lifetime in a few short days.
Instead I have a few brief moments, that I let my heart show.
Memories of a love that I refused to know,
until it was almost too late.
Then it was over, and I was all alone. In a daze, I wonder......
Did you know
I loved you all along?

I have fed, on human blood. I am stronger, physically and the crimson tinge has returned to my once amber eyes.

A letter arrived this morning after a tumultuous night. I am disowned by my coven, I am not to return. All day I have silently sobbed, grieved. Is it wrong to be relieved? Was I rash in my decisions? In 95 years of my feeble existence I have never put myself first, until I could take no more and I had to flee to find my way. Mother dominated me, mollycoddled like the child she couldn't birth herself. She has arranged for my bonds be shipped to me. She says it would be too painful to see me now and that I will be killed if I return. I am not wealthy and now have to make my own way in the world. Where am I to go?

I have been interviewed for a position in the guard. A foolish child was killed leaving a vacancy. I am not trained in fighting but do understand servitude, and hard work. I shall have to return to London for a few days, just to put my affairs in order. I got my wish, I am now having to be in control of my own destiny. And carving my own path.