Do I really want to let you go?

My immortal heart
My immortal soul
Something that I gave?
Or something that you Stole?
Blackened as the night
Fear that dark betrayal
Closes with twilight
Sobbing with dismay

Take my devotion
Set me free
Shatter my song
Let me be me

This week has broken me. I cannot find it in me to stop for a minute and catch my breath, because I'm afraid that it will kill me. Corin, poor Corin. Mary decided to call the wedding off whilst away with some friends in America. I was devastated for my brother, how dare she punish him like that. He seems to be getting closer to Jane, and Jane is seen to be flitting quite happily around the castle which in itself is odd, as she's always...smiling...

Then the news that Renata and Santiago got married in secret. They went away to marry to spare Corin's feelings and to avoid the fuss which a volturi wedding would no doubt ensue.

As for me...I continue to work. I walked in on a stolen moment, they kissed. Ah, what a fool I am!

Now he cannot decide. Well how could he?

I cannot believe that I have fallen for a Volturi leader. That was never my intention, especially one which my sister had been in love with for twenty years. I am ashamed that I was weak. I wanted him so badly, and I assumed that he reciprocated. Weakness cannot belong to me any more. Helene has forgiven me, and I her. She has far more rights to this man than I could ever have. She has been a guard for many years. Had I never looked into his eyes that day and seen...that something. Had I ignored his subtle calls for me, I would have been fine. My heart would be fine. My sister would be with him now. Why could I not just stay away. Whilst all my friends are away from me and the other guard seem content and happy, why do I struggle with myself so? I've never felt this way. So torn.

So now I work. I expect orders, I train, I distract myself and I avoid having to think at all costs. He will not choose, and heaven nor earth can move him after his heartbreak. I just wish he could hear the silent shards of ice crumbling into nothingness within me. How I sob for him in the small flat in the evenings.

Foolish I know.

But why would he have me?

I'm nothing.

I'm no one.