Betrayal.......

I stand here, on my own,
Not moving, not blinking, but alone.
In a new City, I'm calling a home.
The truth I laid out there
For all too see, too hard to bear
Burns under my skin.

You think me a child,
That I have no clue
I accepted your lies, so cold
Expecting YOU to be true.
I took every moment and locked them away
Truth turned to ashes
In the cold light of day

I left for some Soul Searching
To know my own love
To return stronger than before
Only to return to ultimate betrayal
What did I do to deserve such heartbreak?


So now I stand where I began
I have no resilience
No more fight to battle
In this dalliance.
I cannot compete, Or fall at your feet
The one who betrayed me so easily


I won't let it break me
But I cannot heal
The ghosts you stirred in me
That day-they were real
You took what you wanted-what I would not give
With time, I would have been yours



I look to the City,
And know your both there
Both happy together, you think I don't care?
Because I took time out to know my own heart
Your games and your tortures
Lust tore me apart

And so I left my friends to return to Italy. But not before we sorted a little inconvenience for Donna. For weeks now she's been noticing a strange scent in the flat. Coming and going and following her around. She even found the source of it one night. A mystery man. She caught him on her mobile phone, following her around. Me being me I decided we should look for the source within the flat, even though Donna had searched the basement. We found a wretched shirt. It really did stink. That smell lingers with me still. Rotting flesh, filth and London grime. I can't believe even with the comings and goings in Blackheath that weekend I didn't pick it up. Demetri has taught me well. Senna is far more sensitive than even I, tracking is not my greatest talent. And so Off we went following our gregarious Amazonian, from Blackheath all the way down to Whitechapel. And there, behind the infamous Jack the Ripper pub the Four Bells we found a disgusting bundle of rags, a beat up and broken vampire. We took him home, bathed him, and he had the nerve to tell me I stunk of Italy? Hoorah, one of the Kingstons, in my bed. I'm sure Donna will phone me soon and tell me how things are. I am not happy at all that he is in my flat, but as Donna is my friend I have no choice but to offer him the common curtosey of a place to stay, even though he camped without permission in my basement.

Back to Italy, I returned on Monday night. 7 days absence and I was determined that I was going to meet with Marcus, and forgive him any dalliance. I was actually looking forwards to seeing him once again, feeling stronger, knowing that I had more than enough strength to get both of us through. Sometime during my flight and my arrival home, Helene and Marcus had...I still find it difficult to think of now...they had slept together. It hit like a slap in the face then. How could I compete, why would I bother? Walls have ears in Volterra and news travels exceedingly quickly between us guards, believe me I know having been the brunt of this news myself since I met...him. The newbie, the dwarf whatever they have called me. The first man I loved took me by force and I have not known a man since. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't give myself willingly apart from to a man who loved me for all that I was. Who could see into my very soul. Old fashioned? Yes I suppose so. To throw me aside so willingly for lust, how could they have been so needy? How could I have allowed myself to fall so in love with a man who respected me so little that he could not wait 7 days for my return? Both knew I had to report for duty on Tuesday morning. That is when I learnt of the betrayal. Very little secrets remain so here, and some people could not wait but fill me in on the news. Both...were there on Tuesday afternoon after my duty. I was called up to his office. I felt sick in that room. Him smelling of her, her smelling of him, so blatantly just out of bed. My head swimming with a thousand questions that I couldn't ask, as the answers would be empty. Wanting to hurt, wanting to blame, but not wanting to appear childish and unworldly. Helene blaming me for running with her secret....even though I could not help but feel Marcus' power after an hour in his company. Marcus blaming himself, as usual for his conflict.

I can't play these games any more

I told him plainly. When I should have held my tongue. I won't play. I'd rather be without anything, anyone, desolate.

It will take time I will eventually forgive, but I can't forget. She gave him the one thing I refused him, her body. For all that I am, which is not much, I would rather face death in the face again than share myself with one who did not want me as his equal. Willing to give as much of himself as I have to give to him.

And so we are back, where the story began. I want him to know me, but I can't trust him....I don't know if I can ever fully escape his inexplicable pull on me.

I was ready for his embrace, and I found him in the arms of my sister. But I'm stupid enough to believe that he may choose me still. How I hate myself for feeling this way...this weak...

We were thinking we would never be apart,

With your name tattooed across my heart,

Oh, who would have thought it would end up like this

Where everything we talked about is gone

And the only chance we have of moving on

Is try to take it back

Before it all went wrong

The script "before the worst"

OOC I would like to dedicate this post to the best friend a girl could have, you know who you are ;) Thanks for pressing the publish button whilst I am out getting drunk and if you change this post I'll frigging kill you LOL