Betrayal, Guilt and heartbreak

Does my heart feel shame
My conscience full of guilt?
Like a friendship gone wrong
This pain is felt
No my love
Not the pain that brings sorrow
But the painThat gives birth to all my tomorrows
Shame for doubting love to be so true
Love had failed meUntil the day that I met you
Heartbreak, infidelity
An irreconcilable difference
Misconceptions, no trust
Happiness without the resemblance
Sorrow for all who do not know heart's satisfaction
Sharing a love that ignores this world's distractions
Guilt like I have found a buried treasure
Or the fountain of youth
My future shines bright
And I am not in need of reproof
Each day reveals the idiosyncrasy of the need for love
Pure, without blemish
The symbol of a flying white dove
I love who you are
Not who you feel you need to be
You are my guiding force
Forever my love’s destiny

I should be flying as high as any success at the moment. But I'm not. I should proud of myself for passing the test my Masters have placed before me after my first few weeks of training. But I am not. I should be elated that my head is spinning with thought of a new love. But I cannot feel.

Helene, my exquisite sister Helene. I have torn her heart from her, because I was too weak and needy to stop myself from falling in love with a man too wrong for me.

Helene confessed to me that she had a crush. I too had a crush on one of my brothers. We regaled in tails of how bad it would be to divulge our silly confessions to our family. We danced together, we drunk together. And then she confessed. Directly to Marcus. He did not reciprocate, but he has lost his wife, he cannot love and she fled to Ireland leaving me on my own. Oh I was lost without her. Spending time with Makenna. She and I were the only two who knew about Helene's secret.

Now for my secret. After a brief conversation with Marcus, I found myself drawn to him and drawn in by him. He is a proud man, but a hurt man. Having lost his one true love many years ago, he is also a heartbroken man. After hours of talking to him I was weak, and kissed him. Ah, even confessed my love for him. He also has a place for Helene. What are we to do? I am the child, Helene is the Lady. Where she is gracious I am silly. I still find it hard to believe that he finds me stimulating-what have we in common apart from shared hurts?

I have already betrayed my family, by shredding Helene's heart. Failure is worse than death. I hope that she is gracious enough to allow me an audience soon. I love you Helene. I followed my heart, and I'm still not convinced that it steers me on to the right path.

I am to leave for America soon. An assignment. It will be my first real test in the field. I am to go with Ren and Dem. Am I ready to fight? Yes. Am I ready to leave Volterra? No. But I carry the memory of the past few days with me. I can have that much to myself surely.....